I am a funny bird, I tell you. I go for weeks and weeks pretty positive, focused, motivated and generally getting on with life. Then I have an introspective moment, the pendulum swings and everything becomes a bit shittier. I had it for a weekend last week when Nu had a brief moment and I thought she was turning into a spoilt little cow on me, and then for the last week or so I have had it at work. It started with me sort of knowing my team were sort of a bit shit and that I was sort of powerless to prove or change anything. Then I did some covert, ahem, monitoring (not nice but entirely justifiable... isn't technology marvellous and all that...) which, my god, made me realise that things in fact were depressinlgy worse than I thought they were.
The more I dug to research my preso, the more opportunitites I uncovered where my team really isn't cutting it. I have always thought of them as nice enough, but a bunch of amateurs. There are a couple of good ones and a whole raft of mediocre ones. I've never liked medicocre and certainly don't like working with people who lack talent, drive and creative eneregy. It kind of brings me down- I don't 'get it'. I also realised it wasn't just my team where this mediocrity was flourishing, but in some teams and people around me and I found it all a bit draining. It kills me to see opportunity being wasted because people simply can't be arsed or can't see it themselves.
Fortuntately, yesterday the Catman (who I am sure I almost drove to potential kami-kaze antics in his plane on Monday with my moaning) helped me out (again) to straighten my head and I sent off something that's been simmering away as a nagging doubt for a while. I think what I have presented is the tip of a bigger iceberg, but it was kind of cathartic to get it out there anyway. So thank you Catman, and thank you SuperGirl who despite still being poorly and only a week post-op after her painful months has been a marvelous mate IM'ing me and making me laugh.
The dark skies are lifting.
On another note... I am 35! Shit I am old. Scary. Had a great Birthday weekend though...
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